October 25, 2025 Extra Credit: Self-Development Book Review Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936)

 October 25, 2025

Extra Credit: Self-Development Book Review

Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936) 

    Even after almost a hundred years, Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People from 1936 is still one of the most influential self-help books that's ever been written. I somehow have this ability to use 100-year-old knowledge on communication, empathy, and leadership in my workplace, my classroom, and my daily life. His approach is centered on understanding how humans behave and mastering an art of positive influence rather than controlling people. I do have to admit that I only had time to read the first three chapters, but I feel like it laid this thick foundation for the rest of the book. It covers how to refrain from criticism and offer genuine appreciation, rather than like, uh, oh, what does it call it? Oh yeah, insincere flattery. He teaches you to focus on what others truly want. Kind of like a manipulation, it sort of feels like, that you focus on what they want to get them to do what you want. I did enjoy these lessons, even though they are super simple. He really reveals this truth that humans interacting depends on respect and emotional intelligence rather than authority or argument. 

    In the first chapter, he focuses a lot on criticism as not only ineffective, but also destructive, and he gives a lot of really good examples using Abraham Lincoln. In his youth, Abraham Lincoln used to call people out in the newspaper. He was brutal. This guy would say all kinds of things. It only took one wrong criticism for Lincoln to figure out that attacking people's faults leads to resentment and retaliation. He also focuses on Al Capone, even though he was a criminal. He thought himself as misunderstood and not evil, even though this guy would just kill anybody. Carnegie really points out that people that do harm and evil to others, they don't see themselves as wrong. So criticizing them is pretty much pointless, because they're always going to be like that, “I, you know, did the best I could and the world treated me bad.” Carnegie has this argument that criticism will actually wound someone's pride, and it stirs defensiveness inside of them, and all of this combined will rarely change someone's behavior. Instead, he encourages his readers to seek understanding and empathy in the situation. This lesson is both practical and moral. When we judge other people harshly, we close the door of influence so that we're not able to get the things that we need done. You know, he has this quote for the title, if you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive. And it is a really good summary of his idea that harshness and criticism destroys the goodwill we need to build cooperation with people. My grandmother had a saying that you catch more bees with honey. So I guess she was pretty much the good cop in the business. 

    In Chapter 2, he has this big secret, quote unquote, that every human being desires appreciation. And I think that's pretty true. I mean, he explains that people often seek material rewards such as money or success, but their deeper drive is emotional recognition. And that is at home, in the workplace, at school, everywhere. I think it's really true we all crave to feel important. I mean, everybody wants to be the center of their own universe. And to really illustrate this, Carnegie shares examples of business leaders who inspired loyalty through praise instead of pressure. He also contrasts the difference between flattery and genuine appreciation. He points out that flattery is like a shallow and manipulative way to talk to people, and sincere appreciation actually stems from noticing other people's real efforts and qualities. I think that you can really tell the difference when somebody is just trying to, you know, blow smoke, and when they really actually appreciate the things that you're doing. Carnegie writes, The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. And I really feel like this single line captures the essence of emotional intelligence decades before this term was even used. He points out that so many people go through life day to day without receiving any kind of genuine praise. So when you say something that's really appreciative about somebody, it becomes a powerful motivator. The root of this chapter teaches their readers to shift focus from themselves to others. You really need to pay attention, recognize the effort put in by people, and express your thanks honestly. Carnegie isn't even just, like, giving advice on how to win friends, but he's teaching true empathy as a habit of thought. Something that you should just get in the habit of, and treat people with appreciation. 

    In the third chapter, he moves on to build on those previous lessons and teaches his readers how to influence other people effectively. He really wants to point out how to awaken in the other person an eager desire, so that person wants to do things for you. His concept is rooted in perspective taking. This is seeing situations from other people's point of views. He really digs in with this reminder to his readers that people are motivated not by what you want them to do, but they are motivated by what they want to do. If you really want to persuade someone, first you have to understand their desires, and then you need to show them how your goal aligns with their goal and the things that they want to do. He provides a lot of really good examples like salesmen who don't focus on the product itself but on the customer's needs and how that product can help the customers. And he has stories of leaders who motivated other people by appealing to their interests rather than that leader's interests. This principle can be summarized as, "find out what the other person wants and show them how to get it," their way. Carnegie's methods have a focus on rejecting manipulation. Instead, he calls for you to be sincerely aligned and have cooperation with what people want. If you think in terms of other people's needs, you will become more persuasive and empathetic communicators. 

Critique

    Although I only got through the first three chapters of how to win friends and influence people, it delivered a powerful and practical philosophy on human interaction using manipulation. I feel like his philosophy of kindness, appreciation, and empathy can be proven pointless and timeless. Using emotional intelligence against people to do the things that you want, focusing on education and leadership, he uses public figures like Abraham Lincoln and business managers and ordinary workers to make his points engaging and memorable, but I do feel like using this kind of power can be manipulative if misused. Carnegie seems to have this level of assumption that everybody thinks goodwill towards men and that toxic and competitive people don't exist. People in our current time, a hundred years later, could feel like his ideas are dated and maybe those were the social norms of the 1930s. It is true today that people crave understanding more than criticism, but there are also a lot more manipulative people today. He does teach more tricks instead of values. He teaches people to be sincere, empathetic, and respectful. If you practice this genuinely, his principles will improve your relationships and personal character, but when exploited, these can have devastating results. Although these are the early chapters of the book, I think that they do provide a good guide to success, and it reminds us that influence, at its best, is built on humanity.